Through the Pain

You are the star of your story

Robin Arzon

This has been a subject that has always been on my mind to one day put on paper and express. If you have read any of my previous posts, you are aware that I talk about my belief in not allowing our past to consume our today nor or tomorrow. That’s not how I said it in those writings but this version seems cooler in my evolution.

But seriously, the pains of our past are extremely difficult to overcome. I will never say that one person’s pain is more or less than any other. That just isn’t my place and we are all built differently. God gifted me with a really good ability to just move on. Moving on does not mean that I don’t carry those pains or that they are forgotten, so, I totally get it. Moving on just isn’t easy to do. I do believe however that we all are gifted with the ability to get through and move forward with our lives.

If you have followed my story long enough, you know that I consider myself to be very blessed to enjoy the life I have. However, this life has come with a great deal of pain. Much of the pain, if not all, I have kept inside and I still have been able to live a somewhat productive life. Those of you that have known me for years would probably read this and say that’s an absolute lie. However, you should know me well enough to know that just isn’t how I roll.

Along this journey, many parts of my life will be shared via this blog. The desires of COLLECTIVELY ME is to be that place where anyone could come and see that they are not alone. Let me take a moment to express that, I can’t say that I have been through it all, but I can say that I have been through a lot. For now, you will just have to trust me when I say, you too can make it through.

At a very early age, I was robbed of a piece of my soul. It is a part of my life that scarred me and quite honestly, I put it in the back of my mind. I moved on for thirty-eight years before I ever had open discussions about it. I pushed it so far in the back of my mind that I honestly questioned if it ever really happened at all. I never sought professional help until I was forty-seven, and even then, I wasn’t seeking help about that part of my past. I was simply seeking assistance to better understand myself and to learn what affects my experiences have had on my life.

Let me explain. I carried a very traumatic event inside of me for years. That event did not keep me from prospering in life. It did not keep me from accomplishing many things throughout my life. It did not push me to any form of abuse to numb the pain. Despite all of that, I made it through.

However, my ability to overcome to this day haunts me. A portion of me was taken away around the age of eight. This happened in the neighborhood in which I grew up and lived until I was an adult. It wasn’t until I was an adult, literally until I was in my thirties that I built up the courage to walk on the same side of the street where this tragedy took place. My neighborhood friends now know why I often took the longest route to try and see ToTo at her cousin’s house. You now know why I never was a big fan of trick or treating.

From the time that I was in the eighth grade and until high school graduation, my bus stop was two doors down from the home in which this took place. Every day, my walk to and from the bus stop was very painful. For years, I did everything imaginable to have the courage to make that walk. This included going in the opposite direction, thus taking the long route. I would always make sure that I walked on the opposite side of the street. At times, I would just flat out hit the streets running. Ironically, the scumbag had moved away years before. In fact, the darn house was often empty, but because of the memory, it still had power over my life

I know the effects of things like this run deep and can terrorize one's life. It doesn’t matter the who, the what, where, when or how. I don’t know “what” all it did to me but I do know there is a lot of residual damage. I know now that this is one of the reasons that I don’t get too attached to anyone or anything. I am cautious in letting anyone to get too close. If you don’t believe me, ask my family about my family reunion participation. The irony of this is, I don’t even consider this to be the most painful thing I have had to live through.

I don’t have the solution for you in respect to how you can or should bust through your pain. I do confidently say that you can. I believe that I have heard some say that forgiveness is the key. Biblically that’s true. I wish I could say I have forgiven.

I know for me it starts in my fundamental belief in something larger, a belief my MaDea rooted in me from my birth. I can’t wait to tell you more about her! She was my rock! She planted in me the faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I think from the day I was born. And through Him, ALL things are possible, but one must believe and participate in the blessings.

Can I be real? I have not truly recovered from that time of my life, regardless of what I said above. I can detail you the luring, the pain, and the long walk home. I am a diehard Star Wars fan so I play Jedi mind tricks with myself and you to NEVER allow anyone to see me down. I decided long ago that if I fell to becoming a victim then, not only did I give in, I would have become that guy’s victim and he would win. Not in my story! I freaking win! I am the star! That’s the expectation MaDea instilled in me!

Don’t ever allow anyone to steal anything from you they didn’t give you. Don’t ever allow them to be victorious in your story. If you have to fake it until you make it, then you just keep on faking it. This is your story; you determine the number of chapters in your book. You decide what those chapters look like and, like my Peloton instructor Robin Arzon says, you be “the star in your book.”